Friday, April 27, 2007

Corporate Creativity at it's Best

The Blackberry mascot is...get this...a giant walking...Blackberry. Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one? Seriously, how long could that have taken to come up with.

"Hey guys I've got it...hear me out...let's take the Blackberry handsets we sell and add arms and legs, but on a much larger scale, maybe even a person in a costume."

"That's the best idea I've heard all week! Pack your things my friend you are moving to the corner office, I want to hear what other brilliant ideas you have."

FREE SLIGHTLY MORE CREATIVE IDEA: How about a giant walking Blackberry, as in the fruit. I know it's a stretch, but I think some people could make the connection.

That. is. stupid.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Google is Skynet

For those of you who are immune to Terminator movie references let me rephrase. Google is taking over the world. They have conquered the internet, and are moving into television, radio and print as we speak. Adding their advertising system to any form of media out there. I took the liberty here to point out some ideas of where they can venture next. These ideas are meant to be a humorous slant on Google's seemingly endless ideas for diversity in their business model, however, if anyone at Google is reading this, and thinks one of these ideas is good, they are for sale.

Google Hospital
This service would include a hospital or chain of hospitals offering state-of-the-art health care at no cost to the patient whatsoever. The cost would be ofset by advertising in every way imaginable. The waiting room, patient rooms, even the operating room while you are under sedation. Think about it, you go in the hospital for a colonoscopy, and during your visit you are swarmed with ads personalized for you, such as anal creams and special padded seats, and other items pertaining to your illness. You get free health care and great insight into things you were going to need to buy anyway.

Google Air

A free international airline supported by Google AdWords. You pick your destination, and fly there for free. During the flight you are advertised to with various ads pertaining to you personally, probably pertaining to your destination. It would give you the products and services of the location you are heading to. For example: Hotels, Restaurants, Movies, Entertainment, Prostitution. Sounds like it can't miss.

Google University

Tapping into the 18-25 demographic, Google U brings college eduction to anyone willing and again, for free. The catch is all the text books have adwords as well as every classroom. So while your professor lectures, Adwords will be on display behind him. The ads would mostly consist of things college aged kids buy i.e. Beer, condoms, ramen noodles and beer.

Google Brain

For you knowledge seekers out there, Google Brain offers all the knowledge in the world accessible through a chip implanted in the brain. For example: You want to know everything about pickles, you just think of pickles and through the power of the future internet and collaboration with WikiPedia you instantly have that knowledge. Sounds great right? Well, again it's free, but the chip's AdWords can tell you exactly what to buy and you basically listen because it's part of your brain. It gets kind of complicated after that.

Friday, April 13, 2007

The Dumbest Person Alive

Ok, so I never really write blogs of personal events, but something happened recently that I just had to make fun of. The names are being withheld from the story to protect the idiots.

Ok, here is the background. My friend goes to Iraq for like 9 months and basically towards the end his girlfriend breaks up with him for another guy, while he's still over there. This could just end here and be another sad war story, and life goes on. But, what I didn't mention is my friend is in the Special Forces AKA he's a Green Beret. Oh and just to clear it up, the guy she left him for isn't. Now just think about the guy she left him for, that was a very poor decision of his part. No forsight whatsoever.I can only imagine how the dialouge of that conversation went.

directly after first kiss or first whatever

Girl: Hey, I gotta tell you something

Boy: Ok...what is it?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: Oh, wow...where is he at I've never seen him?

Girl: He's in Iraq...he's in the Army

Boy: Oh. (growing more concerned)....what's he do in the army?

Girl: He's a Green Beret

Boy: .......

Still, this was not enough to send him running for the hills. My question to this guy is; Haven't you ever seen Rambo? If I learned anything during my childhood it was Rambo is a Green Beret, therefore I should never ever mess with Rambo or any other Green Beret for that matter. He killed an entire Vietnamese Army along with a Soviet Military unit in First Blood Part II without getting shot, and with a gun, knife and a bow and arrow. Yet this guy thinks it's 'OK' to steal away a girlfriend of one of them. Not only could he spliter cell across your ceiling in the darkness of the night, and quietly kill you in your sleep and escape without anyone knowing or any evidence being left. He could just flat out kick your ass. I don't care if the girl is a supermodel millionaire, I would be out so fast. I thought maybe this guy is just ballsier than me, turns out he just may be the dumbest person alive. Let me leave you with this quote from the great Colonel Trautman

"You don't seem to want to accept the fact that you're dealing with an expert in guerilla warfare. With a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, to ignore weather, to live off the land. To eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill, period! Win by attrition. Well, Rambo was the best! "

I can't remember if this picture is my friend or Rambo, but regardless why would you want confrontation with that?